The milk-shot

If you have seen any porn ever, you will probably know what a cumshot is. The ejaculation of semen on the female participant. Sometimes if not often, it's in the face of the woman. This is cool, it's the climax of porn.

But what if the roles were reversed? Not many women can ejaculate or squirt, but they can indeed lactate...

 This guy got milked?!

Possible intention

A cumshot to the face is sexy. Some people are turned on by lactaion, so why not combine it?

Why is this wrong?

 As I have stated before, lactaion is a wierd thing to get turned on by. But this, this is... Well what the fuck is it? It's an ugly gut moaning while getting his face covered by the milk of a lactation woman. It's just not sexy. 

 

Breast milk is for babies. Biologically speaking, it has no sexual intention, unlike sperm. And what's up with the lactating titties? They are not that sexy, and they spray like a fucking garden sprinkler!

 

I just got the chills from looking at the picture, it's just disgusting. Eww.

What's going on?

Okay, so NOBODY has contributed with captions or explanations for the picture. And this blog has had almost 6000 views!! Become somewhat active dudes ;-)

Therefore, I try again. Wrinte me an email or post it as a comment right here in this post. Give me your best shot, and you will be adored!

Disappointment

I like hot chicks, and I like hot chicks who are naked in public. Especially when they do naughty stuff!

Therefore it might confuse you, why the following picture ended up in the Porn That's Wrong blog, but let's get to it!

All she needs is chocolate dipped strawberries.

Possible intention

Lets take a rather sexy girl with no panties and make her flash her pussy while doing something very naughty in a public room!

Why is this wrong?

As stated in the introduction, this picture actually contains some of my favorite elements of porn.

BUT.. I also like champagne, and I get champagne much more rarely, then I get laid (when I prioritize, lovemaking beats moneymaking!)
Therefore I get so fucking disappointed  from considering how much money is wasted on that bubbly. And then just to wash her pussy. The disappointment get's me distracted, and then my boner dies.

At least she could have somebody, anybody lick up the fermented grape juice.

All that nice, cold, refreshing nectar of devine nature could be used so much better!

I.... I... I just want that champagne! How could you do that? It's so meaningless!

If you wanted her to be naughty, couldn't you just tell her to do the same, but with mineral water? or a damn popsicle?

By the way, what the fuck is up with that yellow balloon in the top right corner? Once spotted, I can't stop looking at it. It looks like it's been cut in there by a novice photoshopper!

I'll drown away my sorrow and disappointment, have a happy weekend motherfuckers.

Little person fattyback riding

I guess some times, narcotics are used by artists, as a way of exploring the unreal world, the fontiers of the human mind, with the purpose of capturing these impressions in various forms of art.

This is not that case.

This is more like a case of idiotic pornmakers on bad crack.

 "We get 50 bucks for doing WHAT? and looking happy, We'll do it! "

 

Possible intention

Reconstruction of the dialogue leading to this scenario:

"PfftthwaahahahahaHAHAHA.. What if? WhAT iF? WHAT IF... we put a pantless fucking dwarf on a fat fucking ugly girl and let them ride around the living room?"

"*snort* Yeah, that's fucking art man, pornart!"

Why is this wrong?

If you need any explanation to why there's something wrong here, please press this link, for the sake of humanity, please!

This may ruin your next family dinner

Group sex, that's good porn !

  

Yes, that IS pubic hair, an artifact from before pornovolution made all pussies hairless.

Possible intention

This is a gangbang, with a majority of chicks. Hell YEAH!

Why is this wrong? 

This could very well be your parents! In fact, according to Murpheys law, it probably is! 

Have fun, trying to forget the above picture at your next family dinner, with your parents and the specially invited  "aunts".

coming home for dinner son?

Prioritizing

Okay, so it's been a while since the last time we presented some wrongful porn to ya'll.  But don't worry, it's not because the internet had a colon cleansing and got rid of the all the bad shit. We just prioritized other stuff like paying the bills and getting drunk.

Speaking of prioritizing, that's something we all do, all the time. It's the reason we behave the way we do, and choose not to do stuff, that we find stupid. What most men prioritize, is having sex with hot chicks!

Or defile their feet..

Possible intention

Hot chick in a hot dress on a hot car, and it's a hot summer day.  It couldn't be any hotter.
And yes.. I get it, it's all about the foot fetish! That's a wierd thing, but come on, this scenario is hot as a pizza oven in hell!

Why is this wrong? 

The guy who might get his dick sunbuned prioritize strangely. Right in front of him is a very hot chick, with very big tits almost falling out of her sexy dress, and he chooses to aim for the damn foot?


That's like the most nonchalante move ever! 
I can imagine the chick say "Uh, I'm hot and horny, I've put on makeup, my dress is short and my tits are falling overboard, wanna do me outside, now?" 
-and the guy is like " Yeah, let me just get my dick out and I'll wank untill I make a complete mess of your foot!"
If I ever, ever, EVER get in a situation like that and do the same thing, please murder me. 
It's like winning the lottery and returning the money, because you already had your allowance this week!


I get as frustrated watching this, as I get from watching "Who wants to be a millionaire" and knowing all the answers when the contestants doesn't!

I'm not saying, that it's wrong to have a foot fetish (but its not completely right either, is it?). But in any case, choosing a foot over something absurdly sexy is weird.

Prioritize, but do it right!

Soles and vagina

When a photographer takes a picture, he tries to get all the good stuff inside the frame, and leave the other stuff outside. Depending on how good the photographer is, he's also able to get a nice composition in the shot, but I have this feeling, that porno-photographers may be thinking too much about tits and twats and not enough about the golden ration and lights properties.

Possible intention

It's a pussy close up, what is there to.. HOLY SHIT, what are those two black things, wich are totally in my face?!?! Her goddamn boot soles, dang it. How could the photographer ignore this!?

The intention is to get pussy all over my laptop screen. I want it so big, it's like I'm really there, plus let me have it magnified! I want to see the pussy in all it's glory!


Why is this wrong?
If I choose to watch a close up of the wrinkled meat curtains, then that's all I want! I don't want anything else, because that could easily distract my attention towards non-sexual stuff.


In this exact shot, the photographer not only manages to get the very unsexy soles in the shot, more than one third of the frame is filled with those construction site safety shoe soles!
The worst part must be the fact that the phtographer has taken the picture with such accurate focus on the womans hairy vagina, that it makes the depth of the shot very intense. 
This meaning that the soles seem like the are right in front of my very face! 

Now the true question is; was this photo supposed to be like this, or was it an accident? Only the man behind the camera will know, but if that's you, please tell me!

What's going on?

Sometimes, I encounter porn, that's no longer in it's original context. Most of those times, it's rather easy to figure out what the original context was, but every once in a while, it's just impossible to me.

What is happening?

Therefore I'm hoping to get your help. Send me your best or funniest explanation to what is going on in the above picture to this email right here (in danish or english) and the best contributions will be posted here :-)

Big titties!

Alright, in my last posts, I've been claiming that breasts are sexy.

I still believe that breasts are wonderful. They feel good, they look good, they feel good and... Dammit, they are titties, I don't have to explain, why those fat-tissue filled depots with a teat on are the most successful natural creations known to man.

But sometimes man tries to outdo nature

Possible intention

Tits are good, big tits are better.

Why is this wrong? 

I could write pages and pages just arguing what degree of aesthetic disaster this is, but that could end up being rather technical and boring.

Instead I will just post this:  

 make your own conclusion!

The milky way of porn

Milk comes from breasts, breasts are sexy, but is milk sexy then?

Well, I've seen porn including milk, wich was very sexy indeed. Girls bathing in a tub full of milk, pouring milk all over their trimmed bodies. I specifically remember one scene with Carmen Electra, taking a hot milk-shower. Ohh, that was good!

I truly believe (and hope) that the milk used for the above escapades are indeed milk from cows, the same type of milk that we enjoy with our cereals every morning. Milk that we associate with pretty much nothing.

Milk directly from the tits of a woman, that's another matter entirely.

just add cereals

Possible intention

Big breasts, blonde hair, being nude in a public space, confined by the safe surroundings of the car. All of this is great, but then comes lactation and a mirror. I don't get it.

Why is this wrong?

I just don't understand the principle that a lactating female should be sexy. Some of your bastards out there probably do so, wich is just a sad fact.

The milk of a female has ONE purpose, and that is to feed a baby. When I look at porn, the first concern -if any- should not have anything to do with the nutritious food for infants, or the fact that this abuse of breast milk may result in a hungry baby somewhere. I do not want mental pictures of cute little babies, when masturbating. In fact, that is an impossibility!

And then the mirror. What is the damn thought of bringing a mirror into this scenario?
Mirrors are often used as a symbol. Mostly it's a symbol of dualism, self-awareness, confronting the truth, but none of this fits with the use of the mirror in the pic. Hell, even if it did, I sure would be surprised to find such deep meanings in a pornographic picture.

I guess the mirror was just there, and somebody came up with the "idea" of squirting fresh baby food all over it. The logic, erotic thinking of many humans confuse me, deeply.

Lick me tender!

I like lesbians. Oh well, I'd rather say "I like bisexual chicks, screw lesbians(no pun intended), they never give me a chance!" But no matter what, I like some old fashioned girl-on-girl action.


If you're a girl, this might confuse you, because why could a man be turned on by a non-penile sex act?


IT'S SEX! And I don't have to look at a hairy guy with wierd sex-faces. On the contrary, I get to look at more than one hot girl at the time, sweet bonus.


Therefore, lesbian action is hot! 

Hotness?

Possible intention

One naked, rather cute girl licking another naked "not so bad looking" girl, what could go wrong?

Why is this wrong?

The location of the licking happens to be the most unsexy part of the human, female body!

Armpits, they exist only for one purpose, sweating. Sweat is not sexy.

Furthermore, the armpit is a place, where hairs grow very fast, and even though this very girl has shaved before the picture was taken, just knowing the fact ruins the fun. Armpits are just everything but sexy.

I imagine the situation, the photographer is ready, the girls are ready, everything is ready and set for some sexy lesbian fucking, and then comes the performance anxiety. 

It's just like the soccer-player, kicking a penalty kick. All he thinks about is not missing the goal, just like all this girl is thinking about, is getting a hot photo shoot and doing some sexy licking. 

They charge, they take aim, but both the soccer-player and the girl on top miss their goal to everyone's dissatisfaction. Instead of licking any known "hot spot" of the female body, the girl on top decides to dive in and taste the armpit.

Did I remember to mention, that armpits are a turn-off?

Pyrotechnics!

Well, it's time to get started, so let's do it like they do on Wrestlemania and pop open this blog with a cool intro, banging music, some big explosions and best of all, the fireworks!  

Wait, what?

Yeah, fireworks baby!

Possible intention

Well, pyro/fireworks are in fact very cool, so why not spice up this classic outdoor-themed photo session with pure, hot awesomeness, hotter than 1000°C!

Know what? While we're at it, lets add some more of this explosive nectar of sexyness!

At least just a tiny bit more

Why is this wrong?

It's fireworks dammit! Fireworks can be mindblowingly awesome, but that's exactly the problem, it's not sexy at all! 

It's like expecting a guy to get turned on by an average looking girl in white socks and sneakers, driving a monster truck (okay, so a monster truck is way more appealing than a fireworks fountain, but you get the picture) The awesomeness of the non-sexual item significantly overshines the "could be more sexy"-girl in the scene.

In fact, all I'm thinking, when viewing these picture are "Don't burn yourself!" I believe a fountain like the one in the first pic has a safety distance of at least half a dozen meters. GET AWAY FROM THERE! It's just not safe.

In the second pic the situation is not quite so dangerous, but we got a nice desktop wallpaper-suited background, nice! Actually that background is pretty nice, wich does not make this any better at being porn!

What's this all about?

Well, lets start from the beginning.

I have seen a lot of porn through the years, most of it has been exciting, arousing, good porn, that gave me a large boner!

And THAT is what porn is all about; getting a big fucking boner and then wank that SOB until the skin comes off in flakes. Well, either that of just killing some spare time.

Anyways, the purpose is to become sexually turned on by this, to imagine big, soft breasts with pointy nipples, the feel of moist lips around penis or even the act of penetrating a womans wet, tight vagina -Or straight up dry anal humping, depending or your preferences- all while the porn fills up your laptop screen, to help the imagination of even replacing the visuals of your brain.(Less thinking to do, plus the girl on-screen is much hotter than any woman you ever humped)

But in some of my travels through the exotic landscape, that we know as internet pornography, I have encountered porn mishaps, stuff that was just wrong, pictures that made my dick softer and smaller than marshmallows from unsexyness, confusion or pure disgust. Some times it's so bad, my whole view on humanity and common sense are truly tested, but mostly I just laugh at it (nervous laughter of course, but it's still a laugh)

This is what I call Porn That's Wrong

Since this is the internet, I will -of course- post my findings for you to view. Some times it will be terrifying, but mostly It'll be a laugh.

The style of this blog is much like cracked.com and I'd like to thank Cracked.com for the inspiration.

That's because I like that site and really wanted to write articles to post there, but all I know is porn, and they don't do that kind of filth :-)

Enjoy!